Poet to Poet emails

I want to leave albany, ga and never look back until I have established myself
like a seed in the ground. When the rain comes and then sun shines I will sprout
and grow and grow and grow. letting my leaves soak up the sun then bloom
blossoms of my achievements. there is nothing here prei! I just got out the car
with my mother and she was telling me how hard it is to pay bills and that it
cost her 35 dollars just to take 3 pills because she was tired of being in pain.
Life is alright i guess. Just holding on for a new day.

©Roderick Harvey

I want to give up

Everyday I wash his dishes spoons forks knifes pot pans and I sweep and mop his
damn floors and he pays me not enough coins.  My hands drown in hot bleachy
soapy water pulling plugs letting out greasy dish water for 3 days a week
sometimes and my check looks like an order ticket.

I have done it so much my knuckles hurt from the hot tempeture of the water.  I
sometimes feel the tears flooding in my eyes but the gates wont open so I take a
deep breath and remind myself I have to keep moving on.  If not for me but the
people who have faith in me.  For the people who have told me countless times
that my soul is beautiful as my poetry i'll clock in for you.

For the little children who mistakenly call me dadu and wod instead of Rod
because I act as childish as they do since their fathers don't give a damn about
them.   I realize now that we bring some problems on our selves and its our
responsibility as humans to right all our wrongs.

I want to give up.
I can't! I haven't published any of my books.
I want to give up.
I haven't made the children I keep seeing in my dreams.
I want to give up.
I want to give up.
I wont give up!
I wont give up!
I will be strong!
I will achieve!
I will ignore the ignorant!
I will make it!
I will keep my sanity!
I will tell whoever that don't wont me on top to kiss my black ass!


©Roderick Harvey

From woom to grave

I lived inside a house 9 months
in black and sound. Delivered from
heaven into hell I screamed then began to live.

I found an Eve and sprinkled seeds of half
my soul into her and then sprouted reflections
of my honesty intelligence and beauty.

As the hands of time kept clapping Thialand bells
begin to sing and I begin to ring with age and watch
my skin sag and my reflections make copies of my face.

Slowly frailty krept into my room and began gaging me while death stood over me
rubbing bone like hands together in pleasure to recieve me. Now I lay a rest in
a hill under a cherry tree in black silence forever to rest.


©Roderick Harvey

Scarred

One day I was walking my usual 6 mile path back into town to catch the transit
downtown. As I began to get closer to a complex of apartments I heard arguing
between a man and a woman. The closer I walked the more louder the words became
clearer to me. I just happened to glance over and I saw little children sitting
in the car. I could tell by the look on their small faces that they were
confused and scared.

The only thing that I could think about was, what if he hit that woman in front
of thos kids? Would they start crying and scream? Would they get out the car and
stop daddy from dragging mommy up the sidewalk? I just kept walking and I
thought about how scarred those kids were.
Listenning to grown folks act like 2, 3, 5, and 6 year olds fight as if someone
didn't want to share custody of the candy.

©Roderick Harvey

Mistaken Identity

My brown solid body sweats slowly as I walk under the Saturday afternoon sun to
the nearest bus stop for work.  I notice people gauking in wonder as they fly by
me on motorcycles and jam to tunes on the radio.

I know that they are wondering if my big hard chest is really tits that sit
high.  Or the ponytail I have my dreads in is really a laid weave.  So I hold
out my mouth gauking back at their ignorant glances and keep on moving.

Cutting off my beard was the biggest mistake of my life, but every man that
wants his sidburns to connect wants them to look perfect.  So I messed up one
day while shaving and decided to wear my babyface.

When I sat on the cool grass under the shade of pine trees to relax a feel the
breeze, a man in his car stopped and pulled up by me.  Thinkking I was a woman,
I guessed he assumed I was in disstress and was going to offer his vehicular
assistance.

I needed a ride down town since I really didn't want to wait forever for the bus
to show up.  When he realized the heavy fuz growing around my face he giggled
and began telling me he thought I was a woman from a distance.

Just think if I had a twat I could have gotten a ride downtown.  But I just
carry heavy equipment like any solid bodied man and long as I have my pride I
will not cry.

Cause I gotfortitude in my back, dignity in my chin, and my eyes in the sky.

©Roderick Harvey

I am my own Family

There have been many times that I just wanted to burst into flames knowing I was
related to a bunch of people who didn't really give a damn about me because
religion's grip restrains their minds to think outside of country backwood
ignorance.

I want to slit both my wrist and drain my veins dry of every drop of blood that
bines me to these people. Then refill my viens with the blood of everyone I call
friend.

My parents, I know think of me as a mistake and a curse of their act of
fornication. My conception then was something special but as time passed and I
changed from babyboy to faggot at 8 I knew my entire family was ashamed of my
relationship to them. I guess thats why my fathers absence was so prevelant as I
was growing.

My mother was more concerned with keeping appearences with family and staying in
love with a crackhead not carring or wanting to know the emotional nightmares I
was having within myself at an early age.

Every event my family has had since the death of my beloved grandfather I refuse
to attend because I SHALL NOT be gauked at by no child no aunt no uncle and sure
as hell no so called cousin because I am a man and I am attracted to men and
some beautiful women. When they look at me they see what society has said about
me.

To them my existence is a smere upon the reputations of their houses and names.
So to them and their tiny egos I consider giving these people my promise of not
associating myself as being related to them when people ask me am I related to
them.

I see in their childrens faces at gatherings when they stay away from me. Their
small cold gazes tell me how their parents influence their curiosity of me as
being something bad, I hear it in their staring little wispers.

Their parent's fake smiles as if they are happy to see me causes every nerve in
my body to twist ansd contort with rage.

Therefore, when my mother has the unmedigated gaul to ask me are you going to
whatever I say "No" as cold as I can say it.

I would rather be crucified before I spend a second around any number of people
who think of me as something lower than they are because I wont live a lie for
man, woman, or God.

I am my own family because I wont deny myself love because of who I am. The
script life gave me I will live to the fullest with every since of the words
dignity and pride. My own family who disowns me in ignorant glances and
apathetic waves of "hello" I rebuke and give only my smile of death.I am my own
Family.

©Roderick Harvey